Live Out Loud

I wanted to share a really cool story.

On Tuesday of this week my sister Melissa was able to share her testimony with the woman who helped us with the arrangements at the funeral home. She deals with death and families everyday as part of her job.

The day finally arrived. Melissa and Angel went to the crematory. Angel left Melissa and she prayed and cried to God for his sovereignty & goodness.

Angel asked questions about the church Doug and Melissa attended. She liked the music that was played on the slide show during the viewing, like Hillsong, Natalie Grant and All Sons & Daughters. Angel started listening to Christian music. Angel was amazed how we pulled together for Doug as a family and how strong Melissa is. The pain and loss is so deep and raw but Melissa didn't let the opportunity pass by without testifying.

I am so grateful for the years I had with my brother. Even in death his testimony is being lived out. In death, he is still teaching me what faith looks like and what it means to live out loud.

 

created with Wordswag

created with Wordswag

Love wins!

Easter has always had significant meaning for me. A day that stirs my heart to think about what God did for us. For me. Amazing!

In my reflection, I wonder. Do I live a life worthy of the sacrifice? The beating. The torture. The nails. The thorns. Probably not but I am always moved to be a better person. The person, the child, God intended me to be. 

I was excited for Sunday. It was going to be a warm day. A sunny day. A day I consider to be perfect.  I was apprehensive to go to church. Everybody would be there. The entire cadet body  and staff would be there which meant the seat I usually sit in would be occupied by someone else. There would be visitors. None of which would know me or my story.

I slipped in late to the sunrise service. I had to stop for coffee :) I sat in the back not to draw attention to myself. I tried to avoid people in between the services. I didn't want to be bombarded with the question, "how are you doing?"

Easter will never be the same for me. For my family. There is another level of meaning. One of heartache and dare I say rejoicing. Doug is with Jesus. We should be jealous. But it is also bittersweet because we miss him so much in the physical.

The worship was awesome! It was the way I like to worship.  There were many "non-traditional" worship songs and I love that. I love to hear Sheena sing so sweet and pure. I was deeply moved. 

The theme was Love Wins.  Everything was based around the song by Marty Mikles for transMission entitled Love Wins. The words of this song spoke to me and the tears streamed down my face. Death is dead, sin defeated. Our God has won! 

The vision of Doug entering heaven, a perfect being, living eternity with our Savior was more than my mind could comprehend and that thought was so overwhelming. I could not contain the emotion.

 

photo credit: lauradake 

photo credit: lauradake 

In the end, when death has come and taken us away. And life is lived beyond the years no longer in death's sway. When time is over, these bodies worn, and we all shed this skin. This is how it ends, Love wins.

We will stand before God's throne, judged by the things we've done. Then, in His mercy, pardoned if we were known by His Son. And enter in the blessed rest for every victor crowned. This is how it ends, Love wins.

Go to transmission.virb.com to listen. Your heart will be blessed. Thank you Marty Mikles for your gift of music.

How Deep The Father's Love For Us

in

The words to this song keeps playing over and over in my mind. This song was sung at Doug's Celebration Service. I have been deeply affected by my brother's faith, life and death. It is so close to Easter and it seem no coincidence. The Easter story is such a moving story.

Today's devotion talked about how the Father raised His Son from the dead. Christ's work was complete. Sin and Death defeated. The grave is not our final resting place. There is a celebration that awaits us in heaven.

I can't fathom the love The Father has for us...for me. The last verse really tugs at my heart. It says,

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

That is AMAZING LOVE!

photo credit: lauradake

photo credit: lauradake

 "How Deep The Father's Love For Us"

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

It's a Celebration

in

It's been a few days and finding the words are proving to be difficult. The viewing and service celebrating Doug's life took place Thursday and Friday. Traveled Saturday. Decompressing. Learning what it means to live life without Doug. Overwhelmed.

We are so blessed at how many people came to pay their respects. We saw people from years past. We saw and heard from people we went to school with. We saw people who didn't even know him but came to support me. I love to hear the stories.

I want to tell you a little bit about who Doug was. My parents talk about how he was a wonderful son and the bond that each of them had with him. He was a faithful and loving husband to Melissa. She loves her "Shnooks!" He was an awesome brother who taught me a lot about how to be strong and how relying on God is the only way to get through life.

He was raised to love the Lord. He was a prodigal for a time. Who hasn't been? He found Christ again and wanted to follow Him. He wanted to be the person God made him to be. God kept perfecting him. He wanted all of what God had for him. Doug's faith was strong. He lived out his faith. He was passionate and caring for others.

When Doug was diagnosed with Stage 4 Esophageal Cancer, Doug and Melissa made a covenant decision that through this trial if one person came to know Christ it would be worth it. We have read and heard stories of people publicly recounting stories of their own faith journey because of Doug's example. One great story is one of their friends reached out to Melissa and asked where she could get a bible. Doug was still able to communicate so Melissa told him she was going to give her one of his bibles. This friend told my mother that she will never be the same because of Doug.

My brother had a lot of things. I wanted the afghan mom made him for his birthday this past January. He loved that thing and used it all the time. But more importantly I wanted one of his bibles. Melissa gave me the bible he liked to take to church. I was looking through it to see if there were any markings. I found a few that were dated around the time of his diagnoses. A passage from Psalm 119:153-156 was highlighted. He prayed this to the Lord just 10 hours before he found out the cancer was stage 4. His faith never wavered.

photo credit: lauradake

photo credit: lauradake

Doug clung to Jesus. He knew that he was going to see Jesus! He is living in Heaven. He is perfect. No pain! His prayer was answered...he is at peace resting in the arms of Jesus.

We shared some great times these last few weeks. He made us laugh and smile despite the extreme pain he was in. I will treasure these moments for a lifetime. I miss him! There is a void left in this family. I love you Doug, with all my heart!

So we celebrate this life of Douglas Edward Hale III
A son, brother, husband, a child of God.

January 19, 1971 - April 8, 2014

photo credit: I Do Photography Inc.

photo credit: I Do Photography Inc.

The struggle is real...but great the reward

in

I struggle to find the words. They aren't adequate to describe the emotion or the love I have experienced this week but I have to share.

We came as fast as we could. Doug had been rushed to the hospital because he couldn't catch his breath and spiraled into an anxiety attack. Heart rate at dangerous levels. I think this was the first time he realized that he was on borrowed time.  

He talked to mom and Melissa and he wanted them to pray for peace and calm. All he wanted was to go to sleep and wake up in the arms of Jesus. When I arrived he had the same talk with me. I wanted to be strong but this big sister was not. I told him I wasn't at peace. I was not ready for God to come for him. I needed more time. We needed a miracle. You know, the healing kind that God is in the business of doing. I sat next to his bed and held his arm and wept. He said he would  "pray for peace for me too and for me not to be sad."

Every morning I came down and told the sweet boy that I loved him and gave him a kiss. We talked and I said, "one day soon you will see Jesus. You will be perfect and in no more pain. " He said, "yup, I'll see Jesus."

Most of the week he was engaged. Communicating. Making us laugh...I mean belly laughing! We took turns staying with him. He wanted "slumber parties." He wanted family to be around him. He didn't want to be alone.

Saturday evening he became less responsive. He didn't speak. His eyes mostly closed. But even in that state, you could see he was trying to engage. A flicker of the eye. The corner of his lip up trying to smile.

It was so painful to see him suffer. We sat here everyday by his side. Comforting him. Taking care of him. Loving him. He struggled.

It culminated the evening of the 7th. The struggle was real! Arms up in the air, over his head, then crashing down on the bed. Chest moving up and down at various speeds. Clearly agitated. Clearly in distress. With family surrounding Doug, mom prayed over Doug, releasing him into the arms of Jesus but Doug was not ready. Fighting for a total of four hours.

After four hours at 1:28am on April 8, 2014, Doug left this earth and entered heaven to be with our Heavenly Father. He is no longer in pain and is made whole and perfect in God's sight.

We miss him so much but are comforted he is at peace with our father in heaven. 

 

 

image.jpg

Overcome

in

I don't have adequate words today to describe the emotions that fill my heart. It seems we are in the last hours or day of what would be Doug's earthly stay on this earth. God is preparing Doug's new home.

I said to a friend today, as stubborn as Doug has been to Nurse Pam about what he wanted or didn't want, she started to tear up. He has touched so many peoples lives. He will never know. My friend said, "He is a living testimony and will always be remembered for his strength and his faith and his stubbornness." She said she believed it's that stubbornness has in fact renewed my faith. And that because of that, my change has touched other people too, especially her.

She also said that soon Doug will be an angel. In my eyes, he already is.

The Hospice Chaplin came today to offer prayer and she read John 16:33 to Doug.


It made me think of the Jeremy Camp song, Overcome. I've actually been singing it for weeks now.

Seated above, enthroned in the Father's love
Destined to die, poured out for all mankind
God's only Son, perfect and spotless one
He never sinned but suffered as if He did

All authority
Every victory is Yours
All authority
Every victory is Yours

Savior, worthy of honor and glory
Worthy of all our praise, You overcame
Jesus, awesome in power forever
Awesome and great is Your name, You overcame

Power in hand speaking the Father's plan
You're sending us out, light in this broken land

We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony, everyone overcome

Your Will, O God

in

In the devotional book Revealing Jesus by Darlene Zschech, today's devotional is entitled Your Will Be Done.  God doesn't force his will on us. He offers his unconditional love, but it's our choice to accept or reject it.

In the humanness of Jesus, he asked God if the cup that contained all sin, all evil and all the pain of mankind could be avoided. He didn't wait for a response. He knew his mission. He simply restated, "your will be done." Jesus showed us how to completely trust. He also teaches us the most important prayer we can utter: Your will, O God.

photo credit: lauradake

photo credit: lauradake

I don't want to be selfish. Watching my brother fight for every day, every moment, every breath is so difficult to watch. Even though it's difficult I would not want to be anywhere else.

I watch this man whose funny loving spirit is inside of him but is masked by so much pain. I am afraid of the void he will leave behind. For a wife. A parent. A sibling. But I'm comforted to know that he loves Jesus! He prays constantly to God Our Father. Even in the pain and suffering. There is no doubt that he will see Jesus and look into his Glory. 

So through tears, a broken heart, I need to pray like Jesus prayed. Your Will, O God!