When The Waters Are At Flood Stage

I opened Facebook this morning and my friend, Wendy had posted a picture of this verse from Isaiah as encouragement.  

With everything that has been going on in our life, there are days when I feel the waters are at flood stage. The water is up around my ears, it gets harder and harder to breathe, panic sets in and soon you have lost control.  

Even though I have these feelings, I am reminded in God's word, that He promises that He will be with me and I will not drown.

photo: laurajdake | stone mountain

Hold Fast To Hope

I was having an emotional day yesterday. You know, just one of those days when the weight of the world is just too much for your tired shoulders to carry.  I want clear answers, I want healing, I want our lives to be like they were and none of it is clear or the same.

My friend came to my office and placed a package on my desk. I opened it and it was a shirt from sevenly.com It was a t-shirt that said, "Hold Fast to Hope." I had tears streaming down my cheeks. She gave me a beautifully written card.  She said, "Hope is one of the most beautiful things a person can carry with them. Hold onto it even when it's hardest! Especially when it's hardest!

I am grateful to friends, family and people we don't even know that are praying for Doug and Melissa and our family. You will never know how much it means!

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all.  -Emily Dickinson

artwork: Lindsey Fleeman

XXII Olympic Winter Games | Sochi, Russia 2014

I love the Olympics. I will be glued to the TV for the next two weeks. I love the competition, I love the history and the patriotism. I sometimes get overwhelmed during the medal ceremony because of the pride and sense of belonging and representing your country. 

The athletes stories are fascinating and for some it hasn't been easy getting to this level of competition.  It takes being focused, hard work, pain and endurance.

I've run two major events in my life and both I thought were out of the realm of possibility.  I ran the Army ten-miler in Washington DC.  I wasn't really a runner and I quickly realized that this was my race and mine alone.  I couldn't keep up with the pack of runners I was with.  The race would be one of endurance and not of speed.  My goal: FINISH the race.

This year I walked/ran the Atlanta half-marathon with my running buddy, Sunshine.  I had a hip flexor pull and bursitis in my right leg (still dealing with the bursitis.)  The distance is very daunting, Turner Field, to Atlantic Station, to Piedmont Park, to the capital.  That is a lot of ground to cover!  13.1 miles is a long way when all you can think about is how much your leg hurts to take another step.   I was slowing our pace down but I didn't want to drop out.  I kept plugging along and decided to run on the downhills to hopefully give my leg a stretch.  Soon we were halfway done...then only a few miles left...and finally we ran the last few yards across the finish line.  We were both in pain but the sense of accomplishment of forging through the pain is so emotional. 

Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win!  All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.  So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing.

1 Corinthians 9:24-26 [new living translation]

World Cancer Day 2014

Today is World Cancer Day. If you don't know, in March of last year, my then 42 year old brother was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer. It has been a difficult year to say the least. It has been a year of treatment every two to three weeks, plus CAT scans, MUGA scans and PET scans.

Doug is married to a great girl, Melissa. She has been an amazing care giver, sorting out all the doctor's appointments, taking notes of what was said, sorting his meds and making sure he takes them when is supposed to and the list can go on! She is a beautiful girl...inside and out and does it all out of love and devotion...for better, for worse and in sickness and in health.

I was able to spend Christmas week with them along with my parents. Bernie stayed home with our geriatric German Shepherd, Osa.   The week before we went to Virginia, Doug had chemo and was so sick. After 4-5 days of being sick, he started throwing up blood and had to be rushed by ambulance to the ER. He was admitted and spent the next four days in the hospital. The endoscopy showed a tear near the tumor and they repaired it. He never bounced back to "normal." The way he feels now is the new "normal."  He had one more chemo treatment before he just said his body could not take anymore. They decided after consulting the oncologist that they needed to make a change because the chemo isn't working. Now he is in hospice care. Hard decisions to make and definitely hard to hear but we have to believe this is the right decision for him and that God is still in control.

Everything that we are experiencing really puts life and the love that you share for your family in perspective.

Back to today...World Cancer Day...my heart hurts for Doug, Melissa and our family! My friends wanted to be with me today just to show support. We went out for breakfast this morning and we were all wearing purple. I am grateful for the support we have from our friends and our family! I am so blessed to have these ladies in my life. 

Doug, I love you and we won't stop praying  for a miracle and we will NOT give up hope!

But for me, I will always have HOPE. Psalm71:14

I Have This Hope

This song has been playing over and over in my head. Music is so powerful and speak to me in a very special way. These words are a reminder to me that God is unshakable. His word is unfailing!!

I have this hope
As an anchor for my soul
Through every storm
I will hold to You

With endless love
All my fear is swept away
In everything
I will trust in You

There is hope in the promise of the cross
You gave everything to save the world You love
And this hope is an anchor for my soul
Our God will stand
Unshakeable

Unchanging One
You who was and is to come
Your promise sure
You will not let go

Your Name is higher
Your Name is greater
All my hope is in You

Your word unfailing
Your promise unshaken
All my hope is in You

Hillsong | Anchor

source: photo from pinterest

Faith Is Taking The First Step

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

Martin Luther King

Lamentations 3 says:

But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.

They’re created new every morning.

How great your faithfulness!

I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).

He’s all I’ve got left.

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,

to the woman who diligently seeks.

It’s a good thing to quietly hope,

quietly hope for help from God.

I am desperately looking for confirmation that God is hearing the prayers of his people. I want to feel his presence. I don't understand why cancer has invaded my brother's body. I struggle everyday wondering why...God you are the creator of the universe, creator of man and the God of healing. Why are you not choosing to heal his body?

Claiming hope was a big undertaking and maybe I wasn't truly ready to live that out. God help me to claim hope and that requires me to seek you diligently! To remember you are faithful and your mercies are new every morning. 

Source: Photo from Pinterest